It takes a brave man to admit that he is afraid. Most of us hate to admit that we have AA fear. Living in addiction and alcoholism, we have likely done plenty of terrifying things. We tell people who don’t understand and they are shocked.
When we tell people in recovery our story, they don’t seem surprised at all. They know the truth, because they have felt exactly as we did. By participating in the 12-Steps, they admitted that fear propelled much of their actions and much of their lives.
At first, it can be surprising to see a strong man admit he was afraid.
He was afraid of dying from his addiction.
He was also afraid of losing his family or job.
He was afraid of his own feelings.
But then we realize that his strength comes from his ability to admit his fear and face it through the work of the 12-Steps.
We see that he gets freedom from his fears when he takes them through this process. As John Wayne said, “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”
How Fear Appears in Recovery
When men enter recovery, fear doesn’t simply disappear. Instead, new fears that most people in recovery never knew existed emerge for them.
Fear of relapsing, fear of judgment, and fear of true sobriety can all block recovery in the early stages. But recovery is not about ending your fear—it is about learning to manage it in a healthy way.
By facing their fears and using the 12-Step process, men can learn about their emotions. This helps them confront their fears with courage. Keeping in mind that these fears are natural and a part of the healing process is important.
Fear and the Importance of Vulnerability in Recovery
Vulnerability is one of the hardest parts of recovery. This is especially true for men who have built walls around their emotions for a long time. Most men dread expressing their feelings because they fear others will judge, reject, or misunderstand them.
Recovery teaches us that vulnerability is an indicator of strength. It takes a brave individual to discuss his fear, to admit weaknesses, and to expose himself to others.
At Jaywalker, we encourage men to be open in a support system. This can be with a sponsor, in group therapy, or with other men in recovery. By doing so, men are able to recover and connect with others.
Fear of Change and Transformation in Recovery
The single biggest fear of recovery is a fear of change. We are so used to our old ways of thinking and living that changing our lives can feel overwhelming. But real recovery means embracing change—change in our minds, our behaviors, and our relationships.
Fear of the unknown is a fear of change that might keep us from fully embracing recovery. Men can grow from their fears. They can find support in a strong recovery community.
The 12-Step program can also help. Having faith in something greater can make a difference. Fear of change dissipates when we start feeling the freedom and happiness that come from living a new life.
Spirituality and Fear in the 12-Step Process
Spirituality is one of the significant factors in conquering your fear. The 12-Step process encourages men to turn to a higher power to address their fear. Whatever higher power it may be—God, the universe, or the 12-Step program—spiritual connection helps men find peace. This connection can reduce fear and give them more control over their lives.
Men come clean about their fears in Steps 4 and 5 and begin to let go of the power that those fears hold. Over time, the fear that once felt overwhelming becomes less scary. Men start feeling more connected to their spiritual selves. They trust in their own strength and the support they can find.
The Impact of Fear on Relationships in Recovery
Fear affects us not only individually but also heavily on our relationships. Guys in recovery typically have fears of intimacy, fear of judgment, and fear of letting others down. These can cause them to feel isolated, have strained relationships, or become distrustful.
Recovery, however, enables guys to heal and rebuild their relationships by addressing these fears. By being honest and getting support from others, they realize that the true connections are through trust and vulnerability. Men consequently attain healthier, more fulfilling relationships with family, friends, and loved ones.
Fear of Not Being Good Enough
Many men in recovery have feelings of inadequacy or fear of not being good enough. This fear most often stems from a history of failures, past mistakes, or negative self-perception. It may fuel perfectionism and the notion that they’re unlovable or not deserving of accomplishment.
Recovery, though, forces men to love and accept themselves for who they are, imperfections and all.
Confronting these fears teaches men to accept their true selves and realize that they deserve healing and happiness. The 12-Step process, along with therapy and support groups, helps men break free from harmful thoughts. This allows them to move forward with confidence.
“I’m Not Afraid”
Bravado is a common characteristic of men in general, let alone those who suffer from alcoholism and addiction. We have done – and survived – crazy things. We may often think to ourselves, “I’m not afraid.” But recovery asks us to take a good look at ourselves.
What is underneath our destructive drug or alcohol addiction? Could our anger and hostility possibly be hiding the fact that we are afraid of something? Could being a “lone wolf” profoundly hide our fear of getting close to others? We might worry that they will hurt us if they leave.
The answer is usually “yes” – but again, it takes a brave man to admit it. If you’re here and reading this, you’re already braver than you know.
In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it says we are “driven by many forms of fear, self-deception, self-seeking, and self-pity.” These things drive our addiction and behavior. When we allow fear and its friends to drive us subconsciously, we often suffer greatly.
The AA book says, “we think fear ought to be classed with stealing; it seems to cause more trouble.” It describes fear as “an evil and corroding thread” and states, “it shot through the fabric of our existence.”
Being afraid is a normal part of being human. However, fear can’t be something we hide from. We can face it without acting out in harmful ways. Fear is one of the major things we learn to deal with as we walk the 12-Steps.
How To Overcome Fear in Addiction Recovery
First, as we did with our alcoholism and addiction, we must admit our fears. We go through the 4th and 5th Steps with our sponsor to address our fears. These Steps do a great deal to help ease and even remove our fears. The 12-Step literature says we must have faith in dealing with fear.
As we ask our higher power to remove our fear and direct our minds to doing the right thing, we begin to outgrow fear. A spiritual connection with the 12 Steps can help lessen our fear. It can make fear feel almost powerless.
As we do the work of the 12-Steps at Jaywalker, we begin to live life differently. In fact, we begin to live in a different world. It becomes okay to tell another man that we are afraid of something. That man can often relate, and will likely share how he overcame a similar fearful situation.
It can be freeing to feel anger or sadness. When we look closely, we see it often hides fear.
We can take this fear to the 12-Steps, our sponsor, or our higher power. As we face our fears head-on we begin to lessen the impact of negative thoughts.
1. Admit Your Fears
The first step towards overcoming fear is to accept that we are afraid. We must accept our fears that hold us back, just like we accept being an alcoholic or addicted. Fear thrives on secrecy, and by acknowledging it, we start breaking the grip it has on our lives.
2. Work Through the 4th and 5th Steps
The 4th and 5th Steps of the 12-Step program help us explore our fears intensely and truthfully. By putting them down in writing in the 4th Step, we can see them objectively.
In the 5th Step, we share our fears with a sponsor or someone we trust. This helps lessen their hold on us. We realize we are not alone in overcoming these fears.
3. Build Faith
In the process of working through our fear, we are encouraged to increase in faith. This can be faith in the higher power, in the program, or in the healing process. The 12 Step literature tells us that believing is the key to overcoming fear. It gives us strength and courage to face fear directly.
4. Ask for Help from a Higher Power
In long term recovery, we learn that we don’t have to do this by ourselves. Seeking the assistance of a higher power can lead us to peace and understanding.
The 12-Step program teaches us to let go of our fears. It helps us trust that we will make the right choices. This reduces the hold fear has on us.
5. Cultivate Spiritual Connection
No matter if you are doing the 12 Steps, meditating, praying, or connecting with others, spiritual reliance is key. It helps you escape the grip of fear. The more spiritual we are, the less of a hold that fear has upon us. Faith is easier in the process if we just continue on.
6. Share Your Fears with Others
One of the most vital steps in recovery is to meet people who will understand. Sharing our fears with a fellow recovering man can feel totally freeing. Many times, we find they are capable of understanding our fear and we no longer feel quite as isolated. Seeing how someone else overcame similar fears gives us a way to follow and succeed too.
7. Identify Fear Behind Other Emotions
Fear is apt to appear as anger, sadness, or frustration. By slowing down and observing beneath the surface of these emotions, we find the fear hiding underneath. Understanding that these feelings are just masks for fear helps us address the real cause. We can do this through the 12 Steps, talking with a sponsor, or self-reflection.
8. Face Your Fears Head-On
One of the best ways of coping with fear is to face it head-on. Healing is facing those that scare us, through the intervention of others and belief in the process. Gradually making our moves to face our fears, we become braver and begin to limit their hold in our lives.
9. Don’t Fear Imaginary Concerns
Our minds are magnificent machines, especially the minds of us alcoholics and addicts. We have wonderful imaginations.
However, a downside exists. We often think things are much scarier than they truly are.
Sometimes, we live in fear of things that are not real. For example, we worry our boss might fire us because he seemed cold. In reality, he just didn’t sleep well the night before.
We can dwell on our made-up fear for days and rob ourselves of happiness and usefulness. Many of the things we fear so greatly are paper tigers, things that appear frightening but fall over and disappear in a gentle breeze. Yet our fear causes us to act out, often harming ourselves or others in unexpected ways.
10. Learn to Live Fearlessly
The more we face our fears, the less they dominate us. Slowly, through continued work in the 12-Step process, we start living differently. We do not remove fear, but we grow stronger and become better able to deal with it.
As we live in a new world, we have faced and overcome fear. This gives us a sense of freedom and peace. It helps us thrive in recovery.
By doing so and adhering to these principles and steps, we can begin to dismantle the hold that fear has on our lives. At Jaywalker, we help men on their recovery journey. We give them tools and support to face their fears. Our goal is to help them live a life of freedom and peace.
Everybody gets afraid from time to time, but fear usually gravely affects alcoholics and addicts. If we are willing to face our fears and look honestly at ourselves through the 12-Step process, our fears should fall away from us.
Overcome Fear in Recovery with Jaywalker
Fear can be the engine of many destructive habits and behaviors. Fears that remain unresolved can cause or worsen depression, aggression, and isolation. When combined with alcoholism and substance abuse, these conditions can be impossible to overcome alone.
Jaywalker uses the 12-Step addiction treatment program and effective therapy methods. This helps people overcome their fears and find a healthy, happy life. If your seeking professional help please call us today at (866) 445-1269.
