It’s one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have—talking to someone you love about their substance abuse. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, or both, confronting this issue head-on can feel overwhelming. You don’t want to push them away, but you can’t keep pretending everything is fine.
At Jaywalker, a men’s alcohol and drug rehab in Colorado, we’ve helped hundreds of families navigate this moment. And while there’s no script that works for everyone, there are ways to make the conversation more honest, compassionate, and effective.
If you’re not sure where to start, we’ve got your back.
Why Talking About It Matters
Substance abuse, whether it’s alcohol, opioids, or anything else, thrives in silence. When nobody says anything, the problem often grows. The person using might think no one has noticed—or that no one cares enough to say something.
Bringing it up lets them know that you see what’s going on and that you care. It opens the door to support, connection, and possibly even treatment. But more than that, it tells your loved one that they’re not alone.
Even if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly (and it probably won’t), saying something is usually better than saying nothing at all.
When Should You Say Something?
If you’re noticing things like mood swings, erratic behavior, financial issues, job loss, health problems, or strained relationships—those could all be signs of substance abuse. If alcohol or drugs are clearly getting in the way of their life, it’s time to speak up.
You don’t need to wait for rock bottom. In fact, waiting can make things worse. Early intervention can help prevent long-term damage and may even save their life.
How to Talk to Someone About Their Substance Abuse: 12 Tips That Can Help
1. Pick the Right Time and Place
2. Stay Calm
3. Use “I” Statements
4. Be Honest—But Kind
Speak from the heart. Let them know how their behavior is affecting you and others. Talk about specific things you’ve noticed without exaggerating or generalizing.
You might say something like, “I’ve seen how much you’ve been drinking lately, and I’m scared about what it’s doing to your health.”
5. Don’t Lecture or Preach
6. Listen More Than You Talk
7. Be Ready for Pushback
8. Offer Support, Not Ultimatums (At Least at First)
You want them to know you’re on their side. Offer to help them find resources or even go with them to talk to someone. Sometimes just knowing they’re not alone makes all the difference.
That said, if their behavior is putting others at risk—or if you’re being dragged down with them—it’s okay to set boundaries. You can support someone without enabling them.
9. Avoid Labeling
10. Don’t Expect Immediate Change
11. Do Your Homework
12. Take Care of Yourself
Helping someone through addiction is hard. It’s okay to feel exhausted, angry, or helpless. Make sure you’re getting support too—whether that’s from a therapist, a support group, or trusted friends.
What Not to Say
Sometimes it’s easier to know what not to say. Here are a few things that usually do more harm than good:
- “Why can’t you just stop?”
- “You’re being selfish.”
- “If you loved me, you’d quit.”
- “You’re just looking for attention.”
- “You’re a failure.”
These kinds of comments shut people down. They can create shame, which often leads to even more drinking or drug use. Keep the focus on love and concern—not guilt and blame.
Real Talk: This Stuff Is Hard
There’s no perfect script. Every person and every situation is different. But if you’re showing up with love, honesty, and a willingness to listen—you’re doing more than you think.
Sometimes the person will get angry. Sometimes they’ll cry. Sometimes they’ll brush you off completely. But don’t let that stop you. Just showing up and starting the conversation can make a huge impact.
What If They’re Not Ready?
It happens. A lot. And it doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes people need time to process. They might not be ready to quit or even admit there’s a problem. But don’t lose hope.
Keep the door open. Keep checking in. Let them know you’re there when they’re ready.
And in the meantime, protect your own peace. It’s okay to love someone and still take a step back to protect your own mental and emotional health.
When to Consider Rehab
If the drinking or drug use keeps escalating—or if your loved one is putting themselves or others in danger—it might be time for more serious help. Rehab isn’t a punishment. It’s a lifeline.
Programs like Jaywalker offer specialized care for men who are struggling with drugs, alcohol, or both. Rehab is a place where guys can take a break from the chaos, figure out what’s really going on, and start building a better life.
Treatment can look different for everyone. It might include therapy, group sessions, medical detox, or long-term recovery planning. The point is, real help is out there.
A Word to the Loved Ones
Watching someone you love struggle with alcohol or drug use is one of the hardest things you’ll ever go through. You can’t fix them. You can’t control them. But you can speak up. You can love them through it. And you can take care of yourself, too.
Don’t wait for things to get worse. If your gut says something’s wrong, listen to it.
And if your loved one is ready to talk about getting help, we’re here.
Jaywalker Is Here When You’re Ready
Jaywalker is a rehab in Colorado built for men who are ready to stop running, face the truth, and start fresh. Our program combines therapy, community, adventure, and structure to help guys take their lives back—from alcohol, from drugs, and from the pain they’ve been carrying for way too long.
If someone you love is struggling, or if you’re the one who needs help, don’t wait.
